I wasn't going to make this public knowledge, but I decided since I have been open about all that I do in the fundraising world, and Why, Then This needed to be said.
Just before I left for San Francisco to embark on the greatest journey of my cancer fighting adventure, I had my usual follow up appointment. It was discovered that the little tiny piece of Tumor that they were unable to remove has started to grow again. A biopsy was done to rule out if the cancer had returned with the new growth. I asked my Dr to PLEASE not tell me anything about the results until I had returned from San Francisco, one, because there was nothing I could do about it once I was there and two, I wanted to have a good time. (I know sounds selfish)
I didn't tell anyone about this, not my family, my friends, NO ONE! I did enjoy my weekend, but from time to time I have to admit I did slip into this world of concern and a tad bit of depression wondering what the results could be. I don't think anyone really noticed except for Deb...I have a feeling she knew something wasn't quite right and maybe even Robyn too. I just put on my happy face and kept on going. Eventually I had to confide in someone so I told Deb, and Michele a little about it.
Monday came around and I managed to get through most of the day with out a phone call from my doctor. I was feeling pretty confident that it was good news as he did not call. I don't even remember what time it was or even all of what he said when he did call, but I do remember that I was standing in the middle of Boudin bread Factory, and the phone buzzed in my pocket over and over again. I knew where the call was from so I let it go to voicemail..I figured they would leave a message and I would wait till I got home that night to listen to it. NOPE!!! They kept calling...so I answered.
It was THAT call and it was THAT news that I did not want to hear...I pretty much blanked out at this point, all I remember was Tumor growing CANCER returned!!! I didn't want to hear it.. not now.. not again!!! I walked away from everyone..I had to pull myself together and get through the rest of the day. But how.. How do I tell my family, How do I tell my friends..how do I tell myself that life is changing AGAIN in a way I Don't want it to change.
I put on my happy face and made my way back to my friends. The only thing I remember after that is breaking down and telling them a little of what was going on. That group hug from Deb, Robyn and Jessica meant more to me at that point in time than anything. It wouldn't change things and it wouldn't make it go away but it made me feel a little more secure.
The rest of the afternoon and the flight home was a blur. I just put myself in some sort of shell and went through the motions..I wasn't really there. All I kept thinking was how would I tell my family.
Now Before I go any further I have to say that since that day my prognosis has changed a bit and things are not great but they are not as bad as they were made to be by the DR on that first day. Which if he had told me differently then I may not have been so devastated.
When I got home I continued to go through the motions. I didn't even tell my family till Yesterday when i got a more sold result and a bit of better news. Now I am glad I waited to tell them.
After more testing and beginning treatments for the worst case scenario it turns out that YES the tumor is growing again, and it has shifted slightly. As for CANCER (that's such a scary word) report was mis-read... yup mis-read and told to me wrong. The actual results are that the Tumor does show Precancerous activity. This means that YES there is a great potential of cancer coming back, and YES I do need to be very much concerned but at this point the cancer HAS NOT returned. Now if that was what I was told on Monday I would not have put myself, and my friends through almost a weeks worth of pain.
So what next??? Well I will go through a bit of Radiation Therapy as a precaution, and I will continue to monitor the growth pattern and growth speed of the Tumor, and because of the fact that it's a Olfactory groove meningiomas, ( grows along the nerves that run between the brain and the nose) I may have the possibility of loosing my sense of smell. This will be sad if I do, but it's much better than before, remember, I told you it has moved, well because of that movement it no longer rest on my optic nerve which has contributed to my very bad eye sight and migraines. So now I am in less danger of loosing my eyesight. Which I think I would miss much more than my sense of smell.
It will still be a long hard road, Dr's orders are to reduce stress, eat better and continue to exercise as my energy levels will allow. Well, I tell you this. I started on a journey to RUN4Life and I will continue on that Journey...next up Disney Wine & Dine on November 10th. Raising money with this race for Angel Snugs. What is Angel Snugs you ask... GOOD question it is a non-profit organization founded to provide training to youth groups and organizations, senior groups and other volunteers of all demographics on how to design and create "snugs". It's mission is to then donate these "snugs" to medical facilities to comfort children fighting cancer while enduring their lifesaving treatments.
It was started by my dear friend Angi...Yup not to confuse you but her name is Angi too and spelt the same as mine...So from here on out I'll make sure to address her as Angi F.
I'll tell you more about Angel Snugs Inc. and Team Winging it in my next post. but for now please think about making a donation to my fundraising page at http://www.active.com/donate/winging-it-disney-wd/wingsofluv
Much Luv
Angi
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